VG Junkies

Video Games, video games, video games...our kids play them all the time; on their phones, ipods, computers, consoles, mobile gaming devices and I'm sure by the time you read this (tomorrow sometime), there will be a new way to play video games). In fact Google is in the process of developing glasses that give us augmented reality.

(Augmented reality - is a live, direct or indirect, view of a physical, real-world environment whose elements are augmented by computer-generated sensory input such as sound, video, graphics or GPS data. Thanks Wikipedia) 

In other words as we walk around we will always be connected to the internet and using that connection we will be able to get live information about where we are and even play video games that are based on the places we are in. So one day we, (ok our kids) will be able to walk through the mall playing a game with just their eyes. So how do we help them learn what video games are okay to play and which ones need to stay on the shelf at the store?

Well first, lets look at the different video game genres (yes there are several different types of games). These are in no particular order - FPS (first-person shooter), Action-Adventure, Adventure, Sports, Role Playing, Simulation, MMO (massive multiplayer online)- and I'm sure there are others that are not listed here. Now, most of what we hear about in the news and see many of our kids playing are FPS - Halo and Call of Duty being the most popular of this genre.

In these games, you are seeing through the eyes of a soldier as you do battle. Action-Adventure and Adventure games are similar to the FPS but instead of seeing through the eyes of your character you see the character themselves. Sports - should be self explanatory, but if you are not familiar with them, check out this website to see what a sport is - ESPN.

Role Playing used to be "from the devil" when I was younger, but in reality a role playing game is a game where you take on the role of a particular character and walk them through the process of becoming whatever it is they become in that game (a Jedi Knight, a wizard, a soldier, etc). Simulation games are quite broad in what they can be - anything from a flight or racing simulation to the Sims franchise where we help people in the game live their lives. MMO is similar to Role Playing games but is done in an online universe that involves thousands and maybe millions of people - World of Warcraft or WOW is the most popular MMO right now.

Read more about ratings by clicking here.

Now that you know some of the types of games that are out there, how do we judge whether or not it is okay for our kids? Well, the first place to start is with the rating (which can be found on the package or you can look it up online using google or something).

What is the rating, you ask? Well, they're like the movie ratings but the classifications are different.

EC - Early childhood
E - Everyone
E10 - Everyone over 10
T - Teen
M - Mature
AO - Adults Only

I think those ratings are pretty easy to understand and so that is the first place you need to start. But then there is still the question of how to help our kids know what to pick and what to leave on the shelf. I think there are a couple of factors here and most don't have to do with age.

The biggest is how mature your child is (I mean how mature they really are, not how mature you think they are, because we all think our kids are like five years more mature than they are). The biggest test for younger kids is do they understand the difference between fantasy and reality? Because if they don't, then they need to stay with the E or E10 games (most games that Nintendo put out are in this category). So your child's maturity is the number one consideration, and the second is how mature is your child. (I know it is the same but you can have maturity in the different areas of you life so I'm calling it two different considerations.) 

So the second area of maturity is self discipline. Can they stop playing the game to do homework, eat, bathe, sleep, whatever? You would be shocked at how many hours someone can waste in a single day playing a game that they are sucked into. The average - non-multiplayer - game takes anywhere from 8-20 hours to play all the way through and it is not uncommon for our teens to beat a game in one weekend. Now, once you factor in the multiplayer side of a game, we are talking about hundreds of hours being committed to playing through the game to the point that they have bragging rights with their friends.

I know of one teen that has played through the latest Call of Duty game 8 times in 6 months and another student that has played 4 days 2 hours and 31 minutes since Christmas and he says, "I haven't really put that much time into it." To sum that up, our kids can waste a huge part of their lives being sucked into a game. So "Can they handle the content? should be our first question,  then "Can they handle the game and budget their time well enough so they don't become a Video Game Junkie?" should be the second question.

Once we think we have a handle on that, then we need to sit down with the game and check it out. Either watch them play, or find a review of it online or even a video on Youtube to see what it is like. Once we have approved the game, then why not sit down and play with them. Even if you suck, your kids will love trying to teach you to play. And as I talked about a few posts back, quantity time is what our kids are looking for.

What happens when we find a game that we don't want them to keep? Well, for now there is a place called Gamestop that you can trade it in towards the purchase of a game you do approve of. So let's help our kids not become junkies but instead help them make good choices about the games they play and the amount of time they spend playing them.

The fire ant test

When I was a kid we played a crazy game. Growing up in South Carolina (SC) we had a rather large fire ant problem. (you know those little ants that bite like a crazed dog) So we would find the biggest fire ant mound we could and try to push each other into the pile. Obviously, if you went into the pile you lost. I know you are thinking I'm crazy and I would have to agree (I mean I work with teenagers for a living). As I think about this game we used to play and how that would look if I tried to play it today here in South Texas (ST) I think it would look completely different. You see here the fire ant mounds aren't mounds at all but rather bumps, so there would be no way to play this game. But what does that have to do with anything?

Well you see, sometimes we see things going on in our kids lives that to us seems like fire ant mounds. You know, when they don't do their homework, disobey something we have told them to do, want to have pink hair, listen to screamo music, etc. What do we do when our children do or want to do something so horrible that we just cannot control our desire to crack down and make sure that they live up to our standards and desires? How do we not make SC ant hills out of what are really ST ant hills? You see, many times we look at something that our kids do and see all the negative parts of it. We also see that we have told them not to do something "a thousand times," but what we don't see is that our kids are actually in the process of learning who they are and figuring the world out. In other words, when our kids listen to music that we can't stand, they are just trying to find their type of music, or when they want a mohawk at 5 they are just trying to determine what their hair is going to look like for the rest of their life.

I will grant you that some of those things are big deals. If our kids don't do their homework, they may not make it through school and be able to go to college. But when they want to ride a skateboard instead of a bike, or get their nose pierced, it is not the end of the world as we know it. We have to begin to see our kids as people and not just our kids. As our kids begin to grow up - yes, even at 4 or 5 they are growing up - they have to discover who they are and we have to let them.

When my son came to us at 5 and said "I want a mohawk," we said ok, but you can only have it on the top and not down the back. He said ok and he still has it 3 years later. Someone asked me why I let my 5-year-old pick a mohawk and I had only one response "why not?" We see things in our kids lives, and we think they are huge, dangerous ant hills, when really they are just those little ants that get in your kitchen and annoy you. So, how do you decide what is a big, nasty SC fire ant mound and what is a small ST fire ant mound?

Well, here is the test - you need to look into the future and see if you would be upset if your kids were doing that thing while they were in college. If you would, then fight the battle. If you wouldn't care, then as Reba would say "lettitgo." So when your kids listen to music you don't like, remember your parents probably don't like your music either. From this point forward, when your kids do something that you don't like, just give that thing the fire ant test - is it a South Texas fire ant mound or is it a South Carolina fire ant mound? If it is a SC mound, then get out the fire ant poison and take it out. If it isn't then "lettitgo."

Watering my grass

Watering the grass is one of those things that I hate doing. I think it has to do with the fact that I hate yard work altogether. But I forget to turn off the sprinkler at the right time, and I end up watering the road in front of my house or I have a lake in my backyard.

But with all that said, I know I have to water my grass - because I live in south Texas and if you don't it will die. Then I'll have a brown yard. Then I will get cracks in my yard and it will make my foundation crack. I know you are saying to yourself "I thought this was a parenting blog, why is he telling me about yard work?"

Well since you asked, I'll tell you. We water the grass because it has to have water to grow. We have to give our grass what it needs to be able to thrive. In the same way we have to give our kids what they need to thrive - physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually - because that is what we do. So what is it that they need to thrive?

Physically, they need you to show them affection - hug them, kiss them, put your arm around them, high five, fist bump, just make physical contact so they know you love them. Take every opportunity to show them physical affection. This is easy to do when they are little and cute but it is important even when they act like they don't like it when they are teenagers.

Emotionally, they need to know that you love them - they need to hear the words come out of our mouth. Our kids need to hear the greatest three words in the English language: "I love you." But they also need to hear words of encouragement and affirmation. We need to tell them when they do things good and right and not just bad and wrong.

Socially, our kids need us to help them learn how to fit in - in other words not be socially awkward. How do we do that? We have to help them not stick out like sore thumbs but we don't want them to be consumed by trying to be popular. To do this, we need to give them safe social environments to learn how to interact with peers. I think one of the greatest places to do that is sports teams and church student ministries.

Spiritually, we need to help our children see that God is the most important relationship they have - they need to see that God is our most important relationship. We must model what it means to put God first in our lives. It is a great idea to have some type of regular Bible reading together as a family as well as praying together as a family. I've found recently that the best time for us as a family has been supper time. I pull out my iPhone and use Youversion to read a portion of the Bible and then we talk about it for a couple of minutes.

Now that we know how to give them what they need to thrive, we need to keep one more thing in mind.  Just like when I water my grass, we can over do it. Sometimes we see these four areas and we just pour into those areas and we can overwhelm our kids. We can end up watering the road or making a pond in the backyard.

Physically, we can crowd our kids and take away the specialness of the affectionate touch we give. Emotionally, if we say those three words all the time they can begin to lose meaning. Socially, we can put so much pressure on our kids to "fit in" that we can take away from who they are and cause them to focus on being popular and fitting in more than just being who God made them to be. Spiritually - there's no way to over do this, right? WRONG. If we push too hard in this area, we can make our kids feel like they can never measure up. We can also make them think they can just rely on the fact that we have a great faith so they are good to go. So give them what they need but don't overdo it.

One last thing - sometimes we just need to let our kids be kids and remember that if we are giving them what they need, they will still make mistakes and sometimes it is just part of being a kid.

Quality vs. Quantity

As we think about spending time with our kids, there are two schools of thought. One says we have to spend "quality" time with our kids, and the other says that we have to spend "quantity" time with our kids. In other words, one group says make it good, meaningful time and the other says just make it a lot of time and it doesn't really matter what you are doing. As I look at kids and families, I don't see that there is any difference between the two. In fact, I think without one you cannot have the other. What do I mean?

To quote one of my favorite movies, "let me 'splain, no we don't have time, let me sum up." (Inigo Montoya, Princess Bride) 


What is quality time anyway? What does it mean to spend quality time with someone? Well, I wasn't sure so I looked it up. Where you ask? Only on the most reliable source on planet earth...Wikipedia. And according to the all knowing Wiki quality time is "time spent with a loved one that is in some way important, special, productive or profitable." So I have to ask, what makes something one of those things? I am not sure I know the answer. Is it possible to know what is going to be special to your kids before you do it? Is it possible to plan what things are going to leave great memories? 


For instance, one day I decided to go for a walk in the woods with my kids and my camera. They could play and I could take pics. I thought it would really just be a normal day where nothing important or special or productive took place. But it turned out to be a great memory with my boys that I hadn't planned. Not that you can't plan great things but sometimes those special moments are spontaneous and happen when we least expect them. So, I think to have quality time with our families we have to have quantity time as well. When we are there for a large portion of their life, things that we didn't expect to happen can become quality moments with our kids. 


So there is no way to have quality time without quantity time. If you only have time for your kids when you plan it out to be a great memory, then you will miss out on the little moments that make all the difference. Those small things may seem small but in reality they are huge. I was planting flowers the other day and noticed that some of the seeds were about the size of a grain of sand and yet I knew that when that plant grew and a flower bloomed from it, it will make a huge impact in my yard. If you want to have a huge impact on your kids, don't limit yourself to "quality" time. Instead, let's begin to spend quantity time with our kids and see what the impact will be.