So as I drove into the Walmart parking lot the other day, I saw one of the most amazing things. There was a father with his young son standing at the crosswalk waiting to go to their car (I guessed that's what they were doing). I noticed that he had his phone out and his son was jumping up and down putting something in front of the phone and the dad was getting annoyed. He kept raising the phone higher and higher so the kid couldn't put the piece of paper (or whatever it was) in front of his phone. I realized he was trying to take a picture and his son was trying to stop him. So I thought to myself - "self, what is he taking a picture of in the parking lot of Walmart?" I looked in the direction he was taking the pic and noticed there was an attractive young lady walking through the parking lot away from him. He was trying to take a picture of her and his son was trying to stop him.
I was shocked for about a millisecond, until I remember some of the other times I have seen or heard about parents being a bad influence on their kids. You see, in my years of working with students, I have seen many parents that want their students to make good choices and have asked my advice on how to help them do that. I thought I would share some of those things parents have asked me to help them with.
- My son has a problem with profanity can you help him get it under control
- My daughter is sleeping with her boyfriend can you help her understand why that is wrong
- We need to help our guy students understand that they should not objectify women
- My daughter needs to dress less provocatively can you teach about that
I had a father come to me and talk about his son's problem with bad language and how he wanted my help to change it. So I talked to his son just about life to find out about him and get to know him. During the course of the conversation, he told me that his dad didn't like that he used profanity. But he also said he didn't understand why his dad had a problem with it. I asked why he didn't understand, and he said "because my dad cusses more than I do." I had no comment for him. We talked about it but in the end he didn't change because his dad was a bigger influence than I was.
Once, a mom came to me and told me that her daughter was no longer going to be involved in our student ministry because we were not doing a good job helping her understand that sleeping with her boyfriend was wrong. I expressed my sadness in not having her daughter anymore, but asked what had led to her decision to pull her daughter from our ministry. She told me that she found a letter from her daughter's boyfriend to her daughter that was about planning to have sex together. Since she had met her boyfriend while at a student ministry event, she said she wasn't comfortable with her attending anything else we did. At that point in my life, I was a little less straight forward and confrontational, and so I didn't say what I was thinking - "maybe if YOU were not living with YOUR boyfriend she would not think it was ok to have sex with HER boyfriend." But I didn't say it.
Not long after that conversation, I was talking with a parent that volunteered in that same student ministry. We were talking about an upcoming teaching series for our students and she made this statement - "we really need to help our guys understand that they shouldn't objectify women and only see them as sex objects." I thought that was a great thought - as it is something we talk about every year with our students - until I saw her Facebook page a few weeks later. She said that she had a great day at the beach with her girls, watching all the hot guys walk by. I thought to myself that I could no longer take her advice because in her mind it was ok for women to objectify men but not the other way around. Wow, what was she saying to her daughters that day on the beach?
The most recent example might be the father that tells me his daughter really needs to stop dressing so provocatively. I told him - in a whisper - that the word today is sexy. This dad was really concerned that his daughter was attracting the wrong kind of attention. And I would agree with him, so what was I suppose to do? I couldn't walk up to his daughter and say "you are showing too much skin - stop." Why couldn't I say that? Two reasons - 1. I like my job and think it might be in jeopardy if I did that 2. I saw his wife not long after and noticed that she dressed very similar to his daughter. So how can I tell her that she shouldn't dress like her mom? You know, come to think of it, this teen doesn't have a job that pays enough to buy the clothes she wears, so mom or dad is buying them for her. So really, I would be going against a huge giant of an issue because her parents had already influenced her to a point that I could not help her much.
You see, something that these four parents didn't understand was that parents are the biggest influence on their kids. That's right I said PARENTS. You may not realize it, but you have the most time to spend with your kids and therefore have the most influence. So use it, and help them make good choices. You ARE going to be an example to your kids, so why not be a good one?
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