What do I do now?

Have you ever had one of those moments where you child does something and you have no idea how to respond or what do? You are just frozen with shock and you are trying to figure out how to discipline them without killing them? The other day I was in the kitchen doing something - probably washing dishes it seems like we can dirty every dish with one meal, how does that happen? Sorry I'm digressing.

Anyway I was in the kitchen doing something and I notice my boys are wrestling in the living room. Nothing major, that happens all the time. But sometimes one will take it too far. My youngest did something that hurt my oldest and instead of understanding that is what happens when you wrestle my oldest got mad and kicked his brother across the room. He literally put both feet on his chest and pushed as hard as he could. I was shocked. I could not believe what I just saw. I had only one response. "GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!"

I really just wanted to pick him up and throw him to his room but I restrained myself and just sent him to his room while I checked on his brother. Don't worry he wasn't hurt... severely anyway but he was crying and so I picked him up and held him and stuff. All the while trying to calm myself down so I could deal with his brother in a way that would be constructive and not destructive.

Once the situation was under control, I went to talk to my oldest and we talked about strength and how he was bigger and stronger than his little brother. We talked about injuries and how he could do long term damage to someone doing what he did. Then I gave him the consequences that were going to come down because of his actions. He was mad and didn't want to do what I was telling him he had to do but I had to stick to my guns and make him follow through with the punishment. I can only hope and pray that the consequences were enough for him to understand that he cannot do that any more.  But what do we do in the moment when our kids do the stupidest thing we have ever seen? How do we handle it and what do we say?

I think there are a few things that we have to be ready to do when there is that moment of stupidity with our kids. First, remember they are young and will do stupid stuff. My line to my wife is "he's only _____ years old." We have to keep that in mind because sometimes our kids seem like they are very mature and then they act like a kid again and we don't understand what happened. We have to be ready for them to act like kids.

Second, we have to understand that the best way kids learn how to act is through trial and error. So when they make an error we have to help them learn, not just blow them up. They do something stupid and then we have to help them learn not to do it again. How do we do that? Discipline.

But when we  discipline in one of the WDIDN (what do I do now?) moments we have to be careful. It is easy to give out punishment that we never intend to follow through on. (you are grounded for a month, you cannot have your phone back for three weeks, etc.) When we don't follow through with punishment, then we lose the ability to discipline our kids. They see us as weak and non-committal, and then when we threaten to do something they think - "yeah, but that won't last so no big deal."

We have to take a moment to think and calm down so we can make good choices. There have been a few times in my kids' lives where I didn't tell them the punishment for the action until the next day because I needed time to think it through and make it something that would have an affect on them learning what they needed to learn.

So when you have a WDIDN moment, remember to take a few moments before responding so that you can help your kids learn through trial and error. Have you had one of those moments lately?